Not so different after all,

After coming from the States and spending almost two years in Cuenca, we have found that many of our initial problems and confusion with how things work have dissipated considerably. When we first arrived, everything seemed difficult probably because many things were truly different. Or, maybe we just made it difficult because language, customs, and ways of doing things were not what we were used to. Nevertheless, we stumbled forward, learning as we went.

One early area of confusion was the lack of mail. There is almost no mail delivered to your home here. Utilities don’t send bills. Arrangements for connecting your electric, water, internet, home phone, cell phone, and TV are normally done at their respective business offices. Then, once you have paid an initial bill, you can take the receipt to your bank and arrange for an automatic monthly withdrawal from your bank account.  It took a while but we finally figured it all out after our electric and our phone had been disconnected a couple of times for non-payment.

Getting our residency was not a big problem, it just took many steps and a lot of footwork. We got the needed information for documentation from our Cuenca lawyer before we left the States so we knew exactly what documents to bring.  Some documents are only obtainable in the States. A few of our friends toughed it out and went through the Visa, Censo, and Cedula paces on their own. We chose to have our lawyer walk us through the process and still think it was money well spent as the Ecuadorian bureaucratic system can frustrate anyone especially newcomers. Though some others don’t agree, we think having a close relationship with an Ecuadorian lawyer helps immeasurably.

Buying a car is another hurdle to surmount.  It is confusing but can be easily done by hiring for the day a good taxi driver who speaks English. He will take you to the many stops required to register your auto beginning with a car inspection, a trip to the bank, getting the required government insurance plan (SOAT), and the final visit to the registration compound which will remind you of the crowds at a rock concert.  It helps to have an Ecuadorian taxi driver to help muscle your way through the crowds to the right wicket.

Finding the perfect place to buy the kind of food you like can only be done by trial and error but, in time, you will find your favorite produce market, meat purveyor, Supermaxi’s best alternative products to the ones you liked at home, and the always important, favorite restaurants.  After almost two years of trying different brands, we have come up with all but a few products that are just as good and sometimes better than those we used to buy in the States.

On and on it goes. The point being that our lives are quite settled down now. We have learned where to go, how to accomplish difficult tasks, and what our favorites are. It was a long and often frustrating learning curve that was continually impeded by our lack of understanding as much of what we were told was in Spanish but even that is better now. Cuenca finally has begun to feel like home. 

The Expats

One of the wonderful things about Cuenca is the size and vibrancy of the expat community. Approximatly four years ago, two of our most prominent expats thought it would be a good idea to have a weekly gathering of expats who live in or who are visiting Cuenca.  The concept was to share experiences and create a network of friends. They spread the word around and a few expats started meeting at a local restaurant on Friday evenings for a glass of wine and conversation.  Over the years, the venues changed frequently from the Eucalyptus Café, to La Parola, to the Eucalyptus again and currently, to Zoe’s Restaurant as different people came up with new places to meet. During the last year, some 30 to 40 people have gathered on Fridays at Zoe’s. There are even some efforts to broaden the gatherings further.  Some people are just visiting and have heard through the grapevine that it is a fun and informative evening. Some are renting here for a month or so while trying to decide whether to move to Cuenca or not. These people are usually thirsty for information. Others are expats who are long time residents who have put down roots and expect to stay for years to come and who attend to meet old and new friends.  But almost all find it an interesting evening where everyone is welcome and where many people are willing to share information and friendship.  If you are presently living in the US, Canada, or Europe and thinking of an international move, one of the things you are probably looking for is information, current information that is valid and has no hidden commercial theme. From our experience, there is no better place than the expat community in the city or region you are investigating.  We looked at Quito where there are many expats in the Tumbaco and Cumbaya areas but, from what we saw, there is no organized expat community.  There may be but we could not find one. We looked at southern Spain, which still interests us and where there are many expats from the UK who have summer homes along the coast. But there seems to be no functioning group of expats in the specific areas we researched. Everywhere you look, there are good blogs, good sources of information, but a real expat community is often lacking. There is an argument against attaching yourself to a vibrant expat community. It is that shopworn argument that “The last thing we want is to join a group with the same life style we are leaving.” We have not found that to be the case in Cuenca.  Our friends are from all over the world and have brought their interesting lives with them. This is not an enclave of Americans huddled behind closed gates who seldom go into the Spanish world around them. Our friends are scattered all over the city. They are involved in cultural and charitable events.  They lead exciting lives. Just read some of the blogs about Cuenca to see how “out and about” they are. What the expat gatherings have done is provide a venue where we have gotten to know each other and sorted out friendships which have become one of the strongest parts of our Cuenca experience. 

The Latin sense of personal space

We are basically a typical American family when it comes to privacy and are quite like most other North Americans who have an acutely defined sense of personal space. Possibly this sense of personal space can be better phrased as, “please keep your distance.” Though it is not terribly admirable, we are conscious of how close we stand to another person, our body language, how we present ourselves in public, eye contact, and a host of other rather puritanical behaviors that date back to our childhood educations. Though this zone of protection is not unique in the world, it is certainly honed to perfection in the US. One of the early shocks a North American gets when arriving in a Latin country like Ecuador is the almost complete loss of personal privacy or space. This posting is in no way a criticism only an observation of Latin behavior that is often subtle and at other times absolutely blatant.  Some of the challenges to a North American’s sense of personal space are easy to accept. Others will take a little time.

Kissing strangers – One of the nicest customs in Ecuador is the way men and women kiss each other on the cheek when they are introduced and on greeting each other whenever they meet again. We have even seen some men, often family members, who will buss each other on the cheek on greeting.  Children, and even more amazingly, teenagers will give you a welcoming kiss on the cheek. This seems so much nicer than the cold, very formal handshake.

Public display of affection – you will often see young men and women embracing on a street corner or leaning up against a wall locked in a kiss, with no concern about who might be watching. In the parks, you might find an older couple laying on the grass, unselfconsciously huddled next to each other, the man asleep and his wife shading his face with her arm or a magazine.  Elderly couples often walk holding hands. Women walking together will almost always stroll by arm in arm. It is a sense of public affection North Americans are not used to.

Erotic advertising – much of the TV, newspaper, and magazine advertising is like that in Europe with considerable nudity and erotic posing and not subject to the censorship imposed in the US.

Dressing – Except for lawyers, doctors and some officials and business men, the dress code for those of us in Cuenca is quite casual. We rarely “dress up” when we go out for dinner even in the finest restaurants. However, most men are well attired. Only a few wear sneakers or non-collared shirts. Women rarely wear dresses and most of the time wear tight jeans or slacks, high heels and are much less puritanical about cleavage than the average American.  Unconcerned by body size or age, Cuenca women appear to make a great effort to look stylish.

Staring – It takes quite a while to get used to the way Ecuadorians stare directly at you and often do not look away when you look back at them. Whether it is because of most gringos’ Caucasian appearance or our way of dressing, people tend to make long staring observations of us.

Picking up a child – An Ecuadorian would never ask if it is all right to reach down and pick up your child.  It would not dawn on them that the child might be afraid of a stranger or has been told to be cautious with a person they do not know.  Ecuadorian children are usually very shy and absolutely obedient to their parents and teachers. Ecuadorians therefore don’t even think that the child might be concerned or afraid.

Strangers reading your document – if you are standing in line reading something, people nearby will lean over to try to see what you are reading.  If you frown at them for reading your document, you most often get a look of complete misunderstanding of why you are frowning.

ATM’s – There is no yellow line 15 feet back from the ATM machine like in the US. While you stand in front of the machine taking out your money, the next person in line will often stand only a few feet behind you.

Standing in line – On many occasions, when you are standing in line at the bank or any other crowded place, people will push and try to get in front of you.  As a contradiction, older people are supposed to be allowed to go to the front of the line without waiting.

Neatness – Most Ecuadorians are meticulous in their personal cleanliness. Workers always change from street clothes into work clothes when arriving on the job and wash their hands and faces, wet down their hair, and change back to street clothes before they leave.  It is a rarity to see a disheveled person and we have yet to run into someone who “smells bad.”

Public Urination – It is always a surprise to see a man relieving himself on the street against a wall, a store front, or a tree. No one seems to notice or care.

Rude driving behavior - Cutting you off, passing on wrong side, honking as the traffic light turns yellow, racing to get ahead of you, are all symptomatic of the Ecuadorian driver’s ethic. It is road rage at its zenith but there is no rage. If you give them a dirty look for some infraction of what you might call proper driving behavior, you get a surprised look in response. “What did I do wrong?” is the facial expression.

Security – A touchy subject that we all don’t agree on.  Personal security on the street is quite important and everyone should follow the proven advice of staying alert to potential thieves, not wearing expensive looking jewelry, holding purses close to your body, and not carrying camera’s or cell phones where they can be easily snatched.  In a poor country like Ecuador, these items represent enormous wealth to some.  Whatever the financial status of our gringo friends, just the fact that they are gringos sends out the message that they are rich and will be carrying expensive items.  This is personal space that we too often take for granted as secure. 

Gringos in Ecuador

We stand out like a sore thumb. Ecuadorians are very adept at quickly judging who you are and responding in kind. Prices go up immediately. All Americans and Europeans are rich in their eyes, no matter how you are dressed. You will be stared at especially if you have other than the ubiquitous coal black hair or if you have fair features. There is a rather disquieting habit Ecuadorians have of looking you directly in the eye for a long time. Total strangers will stare long and hard at you until you wonder what they want and why. But, I think it is just what they are used to doing and, after all, you do look unusual to them. Women look men right in the eye and don’t divert their gaze as they do in the US. But almost universally, there is an inbred attitude of class distinction and separation that finds our North American openness very strange. Nevertheless, almost all of the Ecuadorians we have met have been extremely generous and friendly which is contrary to what you read about how North Americans can never become close with the locals. Possibly because of our openness and friendliness, we have been welcomed into their homes and, though we struggle with language, we spend long hours talking. However, as much as we like to mix with the Ecuadorians, it is a great feeling when a group of Americans, Canadians, British, and other Europeans sit around and compare notes. To this end was formed the 5:30 Friday evening expatriate meetings at either the Eucalyptus Café or Zoe’s Café in Cuenca. Venues for the meetings change but either café will know where the English speaking community is meeting when you are visiting here. There will always be about 30 to 40 expatriates attending who make a real effort to welcome visitors and newcomers. Some 300 people here and abroad subscribe to a website called the Gringo Tree which gives the expatriate community shared sources of information about local events and pertinent news relating to residency and other important subjects.