A Sunday at the park

The cell phone rang and our building maintenance woman, Nancy, was calling. Her husband, eight year old son, and she wondered if we might like to join them at the Parque Paradiso. Crowding all of us into our car, we drove to the park where we were to meet her sister who is our maid, husband and four children. The Parque Paradiso is the largest park in Cuenca, a city full of parks that are always filled with people.

Just a small section of this huge park

But, Sunday is a special day and Sunday afternoon is when Nancy has her half day off from work.  The park was crowded with thousands of people, families of every age but mostly Cuencanos with not another gringo in sight. We walked a good half mile into the park past picnicking families, past swings filled with laughing children, over creeks on swinging bridges, past tents where food was being cooked and sold, beyond a track for sporting events where a horse and buggy gave rides to children, to an area where there was a lake with an island in the center which was home to unusual varieties of ducks and geese and swans. At the side of the lake there was a free concession where a long line of people waited to board paddle boats. It seemed a scene out of a turn of the century photograph.   

Cuenca is filled with parks. The rivers that flow through the city are lined with parks with swings, slides, and exercise apparatus every quarter of a mile or so. There are little pocket parks every few blocks in the city with benches and an occasional small paved court for sports. The half dozen large parks compete for the population who arrive on foot or by bus by the hundreds. Spinning carrousels, long slides, jungle gyms, canopy like wire slides, horseback rides, swings, and the almost ever present festival of some sort or the other are the attractions but it is the wide open grassy spaces that seem to bring the families. They arrive in groups of five, ten, or even twenty carrying plastic bags of food and the ubiquitous white futbol. They pour into the parks, stake out a grassy area for games, and place the elderly and children in the shade of some trees.

This Sunday, we were with one of these groups.  We met our maid’s family and her cousin’s family and became a group of eight adults and eight children. The small children played around the trees while the older children and adults warmed up with a game of tossing the futbol around a circle.

Warming up by bouncing the ball round the circle

Then teams were created and a lively hour long game of futbol ensued. Goals were created by using a pair of bicycles as one goal and a couple of jackets at the other goal and were manned by a ten year old girl on one side and a mother on the other.

Jonny on the attack

Running, kicking at the ball, often falling but always with laughter and deference to the youngest who played their hearts out, they spent their one afternoon of non-work. 

a shot gone astray

The team waiting for the attack

Ishmael with his sights on the goal

After a break for a drink of soda 

Nothing like a cold drink on a hot day

and before we left to go home, a rope was hung between two trees for a game of volleyball that lasted until dark.

Once again, we have no message to offer from this delightful Sunday at the park, only the joy and fulfillment we find in our home away from home.

The Expats

One of the wonderful things about Cuenca is the size and vibrancy of the expat community. Four years ago, two of our most prominent expats thought it would be a good idea to have a weekly gathering of expats who live in or who are visiting Cuenca.  The concept was to share experiences and create a network of friends. They spread the word around and a few expats started meeting at a local restaurant on Friday evenings for a glass of wine and conversation.  

Over the years, the venues changed frequently from the Eucalyptus Café, to La Parola, to the Eucalyptus again and currently, to Zoe’s Restaurant as different people came up with new places to meet. During the last year, some 30 to 40 people have gathered on Fridays at Zoe’s. Some are just visiting and have heard through the grapevine that it is a fun and informative evening. Some are renting here for a month or so and are trying to decide whether to move to Cuenca or not. These people are usually thirsty for information. Others are expats who are long time residents who have put down roots and expect to stay for years to come and who attend to meet old and new friends.  But almost all find it an interesting evening with many people willing to share information and friendship.  If you are presently living in the US, Canada, or Europe and thinking of an international move, one of the things you are probably looking for is information, current information that is valid and has no hidden commercial theme. From our experience, there is no better place than the expat community in the city or region you are investigating.  We looked at Quito where there are many expats in the Tumbaco and Cumbaya areas but, from what we saw, there is no organized expat community.  There may be but we could not find one. We looked at southern Spain, which still interests us and where there are many expats from the UK who have summer homes along the coast. But there seems to be no functioning group of expats in the areas we researched. Everywhere you look, there are good blogs, good sources of information, but a real expat community is often lacking. There is an argument against belonging to a vibrant expat community. It is that shopworn argument that “The last thing we want is to export the same life style we are leaving.” We have not found that to be the case in Cuenca.  Our group of friends are from all over the world and have brought their interesting lives with them. This is not an enclave of Americans huddled behind closed gates who seldom go into the Spanish world around them. Our friends are scattered all over the city. They are involved in cultural and charitable events.  They lead exciting lives. Just read some of the blogs about Cuenca to see how “out and about” they are. What the expat gatherings have done is provide a venue where we have gotten to know each other and sorted out friendships which have become one of the strongest parts of our Cuenca experience. 

New Friendships

The three of us arrived in Cuenca well over a year ago knowing no one and feeling like immigrants arriving at Elis Island. We reluctantly left all of our friends behind that had been years in the making.  Family promised to visit but few have made the trip as they work and have little time off. Most of them thought we were crazy to just uproot ourselves and travel to a foreign country on another continent where we didn’t speak the language or know a single soul. At least we had done a lot of research. We had read everything we could find on the internet, various blogs and endless websites. We had connected via email with a few kind people in Ecuador who took the time to answer our questions about schools, actual cost of living, and residency requirements. We had talked on Skype to a few realtors. Our concept was to visit, decide whether to make the jump, return and finalize our plans to move. There was real pain when we sold much of our possessions at a yard sale in North Carolina but we rationalized that they were just things and we could replace most of what was sold if we needed them. We arrived and took a three month rental in a medium sized building that had three apartments on each floor. Immediately, we became friends with the other families on our floor. All were Americans. We began to go to the Expat gatherings on Friday evenings and our circle of friendships grew. At that time, about 40 people would show up at Eucalyptus or Zoe’s. This group was composed of about three quarters expats already living here and about a quarter visitors or newcomers. Friendships began, people with common interests sorted themselves out, and groups formed. Often, about ten of us would go to a nearby restaurant for dinner after being at the expat gathering for an hour or so. Friendships began to solidify. Dinner parties at one couple or another’s home or apartment followed with exchange dinners a week or so later. 

Dinner dates at a newly discovered restaurant became commonplace to the point where some of us were going out three, four, even five evenings a week. Our social life became almost too much. We had more friends here in Cuenca than we had ever had in our lives and they were continuing to grow. A number of our friends made the comment that they were not going to go to the expat gatherings because they were socially saturated and could not afford many new friendships. It began to dawn on us that with 700 to 1000 expats in Cuenca and only a possible 100 who went to the expat gatherings, why the remaining multitudes were invisible. It is possible that many of them have gone through the same process, met many good friends, and had, more or less, dropped out of the social whirl. Some of our friends who have lived in other parts of the world have said that this is a common reaction, expats banding together, and as the community grows, tend to go underground. We have been very fortunate to have found a half dozen additional friendships with Ecuadorians which are some of the deepest relationships we have made.  Jonny plays after school with an Ecuadorian boy using a hodgepodge of languages. Children’s play needs no precise language. All of this is to say that, in much less than a year, we have been fortunate enough to have made a large number of friendships with Ecuadorian, American, Canadian, British, Romanian, Russian, Ukrainian, Peruvian, and other people from points east and west. We love our new friendships, continue to go to the expat gatherings to meet with new people and old acquaintances, still miss our good friends and family in the US, understand the apprehension of newcomers and visitors, and, more than ever, feel like Cuenca is our home now.  

The Buddha in Cuenca

Our friends Alan and Elinor have traveled all over the world and collected artifacts, books and unrecognizable, yet beautiful, objects from every place they visited. Their house is a virtual museum of uncountable objects-de-arte, each room filled with hanging pieces, books, whatnots and statues. In the living room, an incredible Buddha sits in meditation with his eyes closed seeming to be praying for peace and contentment. 

But, another Buddha in the garden outside had sat alone for months with no purpose after being carefully placed there and they had felt it was time to officially dedicate it as a shrine. A party was planned. Matt Hayes, who has lived in Japan for five years and is somewhat a student of Buddhism, was asked to MC the dedication. After an hour of socializing, thirty guests gathered after nightfall in the garden and listened to Matt touch on what Buddhism means and is. He spoke of the three concepts of knowing yourself, knowing your community of friends, and the Buddha himself. As a group, we stood in the dark, each holding three lighted sticks of incense, looked at ourselves, our friends and the beautiful statue sitting quietly and peacefully in the corner of their garden. Each of us considered how fortunate we were. We stood there, a collection of friends, old and young, Expats from all over the world, Ecuadorians, and visitors, Christian, Jewish, agnostics, and a few wandering souls, and spent a few moments thinking humbly. 

It was a touching moment for all of us only to be followed by an incredible repast of a dozen dishes, each better tasting than the last. Once again, we have found that the people we know and have become friends with in Cuenca have had an enormous impact on our lives.  Learning more about the concepts of Buddha has only helped reinforce our love of life. 

Outside of the box

A lot of what you find in Ecuador is living outside of the box. One step outside of what we as expats think is normal is getting to know Ecuadorian’s personally. In the 10 months that we have been living in Cuenca, we have been fortunate enough to have made many friends both in the expat community and among native Ecuadorians. The blogs about Cuenca often tell about the exploits and adventures of the expats but seldom about the Ecuadorians themselves.  From our experience, the rumors that Ecuadorians are leery of foreigners and keep them at arm’s reach, could not be further from the truth. When we bought our home in Challuabamba, we found we were living next door to a wonderful, middle class Ecuadorian family who have become very close friends. In their house live the great-grandmother and her son, who is the family father. Neither speak any English. The father’s wife, a great cook, has about as much English as we have Spanish. Then there are the daughter, two sons and a granddaughter that speak quite passable English. As a group they own and operate a company in Cuenca that designs and sells high end European kitchens. They also built our custom made upholstered couches and chairs some months ago. It was our good fortune to be invited to the father’s 54^th birthday party last Monday during Carnival week. We arrived at their home at 2:00 PM on a beautiful, warm sunny afternoon, the only Gringos among 30 Ecuadorians of all ages from one to 89. Everyone there was family - uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. We sat out on the porch of their modern home, overlooking the mountains, sipping whisky and soda and getting to know each of them.  As the party grew to its full size, the laughter and stories began, some included our story which brought us closer into the family. Though we were something of an oddity and struggling with our Spanish, there were enough of them who spoke reasonably good English who told us what Great-grandmother had just said or asked us a question about something or another. A few had spent time in the US. Most tried valiantly to resurrect the English they had learned in high school while we worked hard to be understood in Spanish. We were treated like honored guests especially Jonny, who with his curly, red hair and party exuberance, became an instant hit. About four o’clock, dinner was served at tables for six, outside under a tent. A delicious “Comida Tipico” progressed from a choice of pork or chicken soup, to a huge main course of rice, chicken and enselada, and ending with a variety of cakes and coffee. Then, as typical in Ecuador, everyone got a chair, arranged themselves outside in a large circle, and the real party began. Glasses of whiskey were passed from person to person. Cigarettes were handed back and forth and the laughter went to an almost constant uproar. A family of thirty and three, wide-eyed outsiders laughed and told stories for the next hour or so. The one-year-old baby boy was passed from one person to the next. Two young men, who are currently at the University in Cuenca, were shocked to hear the price of a college education in the US as they pay $1000 per semester. Toasts of “Salud” were made to the birthday father every few minutes. We were taught the correct pronunciation for our Spanish guffaws. Then, as we finally gathered up Jonny to leave, we were invited to a brother-in-law and his wife’s home two weeks hence. We were no longer outsiders. It was very refreshing for us, with our family scattered all over the globe, to experience the warmth and camaraderie of an entire Ecuadorian family full of laughter, love and friendship. We watched with envy as four generations gathered together as a single unit of thirty people to celebrate the father’s birthday. As we drove home to our apartment in Cuenca, we realized we had stepped outside the box and had possibly found the real Ecuador for at least one afternoon. 

Friendship

The Ecuadorian is an enormously friendly person. There are many rumors that it is impossible to get close to an Ecuadorian if you are a gringo. We have not found this to be the case and thankfully have made a number of close friends with the locals. There is a much stronger cast system here than we have ever seen before, a real division between the have and have-nots, the educated and the working class, or those with Spanish heredity and the indigenous Indian population. We shocked our Ecuadorian friends when we greeted our Indian maid with the ubiquitous Ecuadorian greeting hug. Speaking of hugs, it is very common when you first meet someone to give them a hug and a bus on the cheek. Friends, male and female, almost always greet each other this way. When you thank someone for something with ”Gracias,’ the common reply is “De nada,” or literally “It is nothing.” When you ask directions to a store or a street you are unfamiliar with, the person you have asked will always tell you something whether they know the answer or not. It is embarrassing to them to not be able to give you the answer to your question. It would make them feel foolish, so they tell you something, anything to seem knowledgeable. However in contrast, downtown, if you stop in a store and ask where something is, more often than not if it is close by, the clerk or proprietor will walk you there to show you. Such gracious and unsolicited friendliness is the rule not the exception.